A Decade Under The Influence (On Turning 30)
I turn 30 tomorrow and I don’t have too many feelings about it. Well, I guess that isn’t true. I do have some feelings and thoughts I wanted to share, hence this blog post. What I mean to say is, I don’t have all the emotions I would expect to have.
When my husband and some of my friends turned 30, their reactions were very mixed. Anywhere from “mid-life crisis” status to those who were optimistic about the next phase in their life. I was expecting to be more mid-life-crisisy, but to my surprise I haven’t felt that way.
To sum it up, I kind of feel like “So what?” I think the only thing that bothers me is that it’s viewed as a very grown-up age. In your 20s you may no longer be a teen, but you’re generally still viewed as being part of the youth. It seems like when 30s hit it the general consensus is that you’re now an adult.
I don’t feel like a real adult though! I don’t own a home, I don’t have any children, and if you asked me how old I feel I would say somewhere around 26. All of a sudden I find myself about to turn 30 and a slight pressure to do all the adult things.
Now, don’t get me wrong…I do want to own a home, I do want to have children, but since in my mind I am only 26 it seems too early for these things.
Looking back over my 20s, I wouldn’t really say they went by quickly. While it is crazy to think 10 years have passed since I turned 20, it also doesn’t seem like yesterday by any means. A lot happened! I was able to legally drink, graduated college, got married, moved to NYC, changed careers, and faced some really hard times and struggles. Yet, overall I enjoyed my 20s.
Recently, someone told me when their father turned 90, he asked him how it felt. His response was he still felt 25. I found this interesting and also scary. When I turn 40, 50…90, will I still feel like I’m only 26?
There is that cliche saying “age is just a number” and hey, maybe that’s really true. The idea of aging can be scary for many people (myself included), but I don’t want to spend my life fearful or worried about getting old. I want to live my life to it’s fullest and one day look back and be able to say, damn, this has been an amazing ride.
All that being said, for now my plan is just to take life one day at at time and see where it leads me. I am trying to not let any sort of social pressure or listicle dictate my decisions and just trying to do what feels right and is best for myself and my husband. Which leads me to the next point…
We are about to start a new adventure and leaving NYC at the end of this month. Why we are leaving NYC could be a whole other post of it’s own, so I won’t get into that now. It’s been a fun, crazy, and sometimes hectic two years living here, but it’s been fun. I am so happy we were able to live out that dream and I don’t have to always wonder “what if we had moved to NYC?” Now, I know.
Before I leave you, let me address the title of this article, because I know you appreciate that Taking Back Sunday reference. At first I just wrote it when the idea of leaving the decade of my 20s behind came to mind, but then I realized it was more fitting than initially thought. In a way, your 20s are a good span of time you spend figuring yourself, others, and life out. It includes many formative years where we are often influenced by family, friends, politics, religion, and really trying to find ourselves. One thing I a proud to say is that I feel that I haven’t been too heavily influenced by outside parties and have stayed true to myself, yet, the things that did change about me, have changed for the better. I’ve learned a lot, grown a lot, and hope to continue that in my 30s.